Teachers Say the Darndest Things

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Kids say the darndest things”. Art Linklater ran a TV show for many years with this theme. But do you know that teachers also say things that are memorable? I recently came across this blog. These comments make me chuckle as I remember similar things I have said or heard in the classroom. Now I wish I had written them down.

35 Things Teachers Thought They Would Never Say

Bonnie Kathryn

BLOG • JANUARY 12, 2016

Every so often some of the conversations on my Facebook page become quite comical. Recently I posted a question that left me in stitches. I compiled the answers for you to spend a few moments laughing as well. Enjoy this compilation of quotes from teachers all over the world!

What are some things you thought you would never say as a teacher?

  1. “Please do not drink the watercolors.” – Jennifer
  2. “Your echolocation is not broken, you are not a bat you don’t have echolocation. Stop running into the wall and yelling ‘my echolocation is broken.’” – Danielle
  3. “No, I cannot marry you.” – Kay
  4. “Please take your head out from under my dress…” – Meghan
  5. “Stop licking the window.” – Jennifer
  6.  “Ew! Don’t lick the potty!” – Christina
  7. “We don’t pick our friends’ noses for them, even if they told you to do it!” – Tricia
  8. “No, I’m sorry you cannot be an octopus today.” – Chelsea
  9. “That is not Chapstick. That is our glue. Please stop putting it on your lips.” – Holli
  10. “Your string cheese is not a light saber.” – Melissa
  11. “What do you mean you have a tiny NFL football stuck up your nose?” – Lee
  12. “We don’t chew on scissors.” – Jennifer
  13. “Please keep your tongue out of your nose.” – Cathy
  14. “Do not eat the Crayons. Yes, they are nontoxic but let’s not test the theory.” – Julie
  15. “Stop sucking on the wall.” – Jenny
  16. “You brought a real live ‘dead’ fish?” – Chelsie
  17. “Please stop drinking from the toilet!” – Christina
  18.  “I’m so proud of you for buckling your belt…but now go back in the bathroom and put your pants on!” – Madison
  19. “We are not making valentines for the vegetarians, it’s the Veterans we are making them for.” – Jennifer
  20. “Your teeth itch? Hmmm, ok just get a drink.” – Nikkee
  21.  “I am not a tree; you are not a woodpecker, so please stop tapping on me.” – Katy
  22. “Please, do not come out of the bathroom licking your hands.” – Laura
  23. “Are you gluing your hair back on your head with a glue stick?” – Lee
  24. “We do not growl in school. We are human beings not animals and we do not growl.” – Jessi
  25. “Do not glue paper to your body! That includes your skin, your clothes, and your shoes!” – Amy
  26. “Did you really just put glue in your dear teacher’s hair?!” Student response: “Well a couple of hairs were sticking out! I fixed it for you…aren’t you so happy?” – Jill
  27.  “Well if it wasn’t your underwear you flushed down the toilet, whose was it?!” – Dana
  28. “Please go back to the bathroom and give each other back your pants. You need to leave school in the same pair of pants you showed up in.” – Melissa
  29. “No, your last name is not ‘Lil Daddy.’” – Ashley
  30. “No, you cannot wrap string around your finger to make it turn purple; that is not cool.” – Kay
  31. “Stay calm and evacuate the room. I’ll get Mr. Weeks to find the snake.” – Carol
  32. “If you try to stick your finger in the fan again and it comes off we get to call you ‘Stumpy’ the rest of the year.” Problem solved. – Carissa
  33. Back in the day when we had a dramatic play area in the classroom: “Please get down off of the table in the kitchen. No one will ‘give birth’ in our dramatic play area or anywhere here at school.” – Shelley
  34. “Everyone move to the other side of the room while I catch the snake with this trash can.”  ~Kellie S.  
  35. Did you really put glue on your eyelids?”  ~Teresa M.

This entry was submitted by Mrs. Kathi Cooper. With over 32 years of teaching experience, Mrs. Kathi Cooper heard many things from her students and said many things to her students. We thank her for serving the MCS community these past 17 years and tenderly guiding and teaching our Kindergarten students. We wish her God's best in her retirement!


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